What Counts as Play as an Adult?
I made a TikTok about adult play, and the comments became the most beautiful part of the conversation.
In Part 1, I shared Dr. Stuart Brown’s framework for recognizing play. His point is that play is not defined by whether an activity looks childish, athletic, productive, artistic, or social. Play is defined by the quality of our relationship to the activity.
That distinction matters, especially for adults who have spent years measuring their worth by output.
A framework for play
Brown identifies seven qualities commonly present in play:
Apparently purposeless: You are doing it for the experience itself, not to produce a useful result.
Voluntary: You are choosing it freely rather than responding to pressure or obligation.
Inherent attraction: You feel drawn toward it because it interests or delights you.
Freedom from time: You stop checking the clock and become absorbed.
Diminished self-consciousness: You are less preoccupied with how you appear to other people.
Improvisational potential: There is room to experiment, respond, and make it up as you go.
Continuation desire: You want to keep going, or you feel disappointed when the activity ends.
You do not need all seven qualities for something to feel playful. The framework gives us language for noticing when an activity moves us out of obligation and into genuine engagement.
What people named as play
The responses to the video were full of examples that may look ordinary from the outside, but clearly hold playfulness for the people doing them.
People named drawing, dancing, walks, video games, playing The Sims while watching Degrassi, somatic dance, pickleball, basketball, gardening, cosplay, music, Legos, Magnatiles, mending, quilting, playing instruments, reading, social-deduction games, puzzles, board games, cooking, baking, Zumba, kickball, journaling, coloring, wandering in the woods to look at moss and mushrooms, and playing with makeup.
One person wrote about going to the park near sunset to swing, especially on the tire swing. They described finger painting, digging in the dirt, and deliberately adding water to make mud.
Another person said that on long trail walks, they listen to music and pretend they are in a music video.
Those are not “small” examples. They are evidence that people already know how to access play. Many of us simply have not been taught to recognize it as something worthy of time, attention, or protection.
Play does not need permission
A person can play alone. A person can play next to someone else while each person is focused on their own activity. A person can play through movement, imagination, making, collecting, tending, learning, games, sensory experiences, and special interests.
The activity itself does not determine whether it counts. The question is: What happens inside you while you are doing it?
Do you feel more present?
Do you become less concerned with how you are performing?
Do you want to continue?
Does your body soften, brighten, or become more energized?
That is useful information. It may be your nervous system telling you that it has found something safe enough to engage with.
An invitation
If play feels unfamiliar, you do not need to force yourself into a hobby you think you are supposed to enjoy. Start with curiosity.
Think about what you did before you learned that every moment had to be useful. Think about what you can do now that makes time pass differently. Notice what you return to when no one is evaluating you.
Maybe it is dancing in your kitchen. Maybe it is making mud. Maybe it is building something from Lego, caring for a plant, wandering through a park, putting on makeup just to experiment, or pretending your walk has a soundtrack.
Play does not have to earn its place in your life through productivity. Its value can be the experience itself.
